One of those Little Issues
Sometimes you have to wonder about why you are the way you are. There are great arguments out there about nature vs. nurture. But they only get you so far. Because people are always evolving, always learning. Sometimes we are finding out things about ourselves that we have had all along but we never really understood.
For example, I have a tendency to think the worst whenever my body has an ache or pain for which I cannot pinpoint a cause. Especially at 3 a.m. when all I can do is travel down unproductive fearful rabbit holes in my mind. So why is that?
I think I have an answer. It may not be the answer a clinician would come up with, but it is one that I came up with and, therefore, think it makes the most sense. Why do I jump to the negative possibilities?
It goes back to second grade.
When I was in second grade, there was a girl (who I will call Carol) in our class whose older sister died from a brain tumor. The sister was in fifth grade - which meant she was really old in the eyes of a second grader. But when she died, it sent shock waves through the school. Especially in our class where pretty frequently Carol would break into tears - rightfully and understandably so. Her big sister had just died.
One day in school, one of the local pediatricians came to our class to explain what had happened to Carol's sister. The doctor explained the nature of the brain and that it had a consistency of something like jell-o and that hers had been wrapped up by a tumor that they just couldn't get rid of.
Somewhere along the line he explained some of the symptoms that Carol's sister had. I remember exactly two. One: pupils that don't match. So if you look in the mirror and one pupil is dilated and the other isn't, that's probably not a good sign. Two: extreme headaches.
Now I know there are probably a lot more symptoms, and that extreme headaches tend more towards the migraine/cluster side of the scale - and I have only had something akin to a migraine about three times in my life. But in second grade, there is no frame of reference. So any headache could well be the signal that your brain is in trouble.
As such, when I was about 10, I developed a really bad headache that was, if memory serves me, worse than I had had before. I thought I was going to die from a brain tumor. The only solace was that my eyes still matched.
But I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a sign of the end. It wasn't. But something about that time frame has ingrained the feeling of dread when something is out of kilter in my body. The key is to not over analyze the feeling, but to work towards calmly and rationally dealing with the issue.
It's just an observation, but I am sure we all have our little issues such as this.
For example, I have a tendency to think the worst whenever my body has an ache or pain for which I cannot pinpoint a cause. Especially at 3 a.m. when all I can do is travel down unproductive fearful rabbit holes in my mind. So why is that?
I think I have an answer. It may not be the answer a clinician would come up with, but it is one that I came up with and, therefore, think it makes the most sense. Why do I jump to the negative possibilities?
It goes back to second grade.
When I was in second grade, there was a girl (who I will call Carol) in our class whose older sister died from a brain tumor. The sister was in fifth grade - which meant she was really old in the eyes of a second grader. But when she died, it sent shock waves through the school. Especially in our class where pretty frequently Carol would break into tears - rightfully and understandably so. Her big sister had just died.
One day in school, one of the local pediatricians came to our class to explain what had happened to Carol's sister. The doctor explained the nature of the brain and that it had a consistency of something like jell-o and that hers had been wrapped up by a tumor that they just couldn't get rid of.
Somewhere along the line he explained some of the symptoms that Carol's sister had. I remember exactly two. One: pupils that don't match. So if you look in the mirror and one pupil is dilated and the other isn't, that's probably not a good sign. Two: extreme headaches.
Now I know there are probably a lot more symptoms, and that extreme headaches tend more towards the migraine/cluster side of the scale - and I have only had something akin to a migraine about three times in my life. But in second grade, there is no frame of reference. So any headache could well be the signal that your brain is in trouble.
As such, when I was about 10, I developed a really bad headache that was, if memory serves me, worse than I had had before. I thought I was going to die from a brain tumor. The only solace was that my eyes still matched.
But I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a sign of the end. It wasn't. But something about that time frame has ingrained the feeling of dread when something is out of kilter in my body. The key is to not over analyze the feeling, but to work towards calmly and rationally dealing with the issue.
It's just an observation, but I am sure we all have our little issues such as this.
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