After Reading an Old Paper

A few days ago I found a piece of paper on which I had written a long time ago.  I found myself asking, "Did I really write that?  Did I really feel that way?"  It was a particularly pessimistic piece that reflected a world view I don't quite subscribe to any longer and, some 22+ years later, find difficult to imagine that I did.

Though I suppose in some ways, I can.  I can't quite remember the exact way I felt, but I do possibly remember the attitude that viewed society very negatively and pessimistically.  Reading it I find I sound pretty clear in my disdain and the view of the world is both bleak and very black and white.  I do remember thinking in those terms from time to time, but now, so far removed from the time in which I wrote, I have trouble comprehending where I was mentally as I wrote those words.

Needless to say I don't quite share the same ideas any more.  Admittedly the pessimism still lurks, but the overall attitude has changed.  I would suggest that my views and conclusions about the world have changed - likely due to more life experience under my belt.  What I do know is that there is an odd feeling: that was me, but it isn't me.  I don't really recognize the voice I hear in that old writing.  I guess I do hear me, but not the me that I am now.

I suppose it is somewhat disconcerting.  You think you know yourself but sometimes you only know the selective you and fail to remember (deliberately or just over time naturally) that you weren't always who you thought you were.

Likewise, you may come to realize that you aren't necessarily who you expected to become.

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