The Fire in the Bones
I haven't written in a while.
That's due to a couple of reasons. First, I wasn't sure what to say.
Second, I wasn't sure anyone was listening.
That is also reminiscent of my life as a pastor. There are some weeks where I do not know what to say from the pulpit. I find it a struggle to compose a sermon. That, also, has numerous reasons. For example, I want to be clear, cogent, and relevant. I also want to honor the text and not project my own ideas and then find scripture to back them up. I do not want to offend people, but I don't want to be halting or reserved in speaking. Sometimes I do not wish to share that which is personal. Other times, I find that the sermon itself is something I do not wish to share because I have, in some cases, had to work very hard to find the relevant words, the point to which I feel I have been led, sometimes with great emotion and soul searching.
Then to offer such words is to hand over something created to others. That is one of the points of preaching - to offer something to the congregation for their edification. But handing that sermon over can be exhausting emotionally. And then to hear "good sermon" from those who dozed through it or who say "good sermon" when it was an emotional sledgehammer to deliver and to create...well it feels as if the words were lost.
Like writing a blog. Where do the words go? Is there anyone listening? Hard to say. Hard to know.
Yet I keep writing. I keep preaching.
The prophet Jeremiah said that he had to say what he had to say because if he did not, it burned within him like a fire that threatened to consume his bones.
And so it is. And there are times when my fingers cannot type fast enough and I fear I cannot get the thoughts down before they threaten to vanish like a morning mist.
I have refrained from writing for a while. To collect my thoughts. To figure out what to say, and to say it well. I hope that I will do so.
And if no one is listening, I hope that it won't be because of silence on my part.
That's due to a couple of reasons. First, I wasn't sure what to say.
Second, I wasn't sure anyone was listening.
That is also reminiscent of my life as a pastor. There are some weeks where I do not know what to say from the pulpit. I find it a struggle to compose a sermon. That, also, has numerous reasons. For example, I want to be clear, cogent, and relevant. I also want to honor the text and not project my own ideas and then find scripture to back them up. I do not want to offend people, but I don't want to be halting or reserved in speaking. Sometimes I do not wish to share that which is personal. Other times, I find that the sermon itself is something I do not wish to share because I have, in some cases, had to work very hard to find the relevant words, the point to which I feel I have been led, sometimes with great emotion and soul searching.
Then to offer such words is to hand over something created to others. That is one of the points of preaching - to offer something to the congregation for their edification. But handing that sermon over can be exhausting emotionally. And then to hear "good sermon" from those who dozed through it or who say "good sermon" when it was an emotional sledgehammer to deliver and to create...well it feels as if the words were lost.
Like writing a blog. Where do the words go? Is there anyone listening? Hard to say. Hard to know.
Yet I keep writing. I keep preaching.
The prophet Jeremiah said that he had to say what he had to say because if he did not, it burned within him like a fire that threatened to consume his bones.
And so it is. And there are times when my fingers cannot type fast enough and I fear I cannot get the thoughts down before they threaten to vanish like a morning mist.
I have refrained from writing for a while. To collect my thoughts. To figure out what to say, and to say it well. I hope that I will do so.
And if no one is listening, I hope that it won't be because of silence on my part.
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