Say It Like I Think You Should Mean It
Very recently at a Wednesday night Bible study, I found myself struggling to keep anger out of my heart. That had to do with the presence of a gentleman who had an issue with a statement I had made in the sermon from the previous Sunday.
After church that Sunday, this gentleman approached me to explain his take on what I had said and that I was incorrect. After a few minutes of dialogue, I felt I had explained my point and that what he had heard was not quite what I had meant. Believing we were on the same page, we walked away just fine.
When I saw him the next Wednesday at Bible study, I was a little surprised - he doesn't normally...well, ever...attend. Having been in this profession for a while now, I was (sad to say) suspicious. Moving into the fourth week of a discussion on a particular New Testament book, I continued by picking up where we had left in previous meetings.
A few minutes into the discussion which was a little of a recap, this gentleman chimed in and, speaking initially about a particular passage, concluded his remarks by saying, "...and this is why you can't say..." and then proceeded to quote my line from the previous Sunday's sermon which, I might add, was from a completely different book in the New Testament.
My suspicions were realized. He wasn't there to study. Instead, he was there to offer a refutation of the sermon. I will say that unless you had heard our conversation after church that week, you would have missed the jab. But jab it was and jab he did. Even after that moment he stayed after the study to once again spell out his objection to my statement in the sermon.
As a pastor who has also taught in a college setting, I realize that part of my frustration is that I felt obliged to acknowledge his position in the conversation. In some ways I was having to acquiesce to his opinion without receiving the same courtesy. I couldn't truly challenge him for fear of having no chance of ever having a dialogue again. But in that acquiescence, this kind of person simply hears me acknowledge that they might be right and that my point is, therefore, weak.
What I think he wants is for me to do is recant and retract my statement. I won't. And as such, I have the feeling it will come up again no matter what other topic on which I might preach. My fear is that he will also start keeping a mental log of objections that will pile on top of that initial objection until they spill over into an ultimatum of me changing my statement or his leaving the church.
It is here that I find one of my great frustrations with being a pastor. There are those for whom the role of the pastor is not to educate but to parrot. The pastor must say what the congregation (or usually a few individuals) believe - be they a part of the denominational tradition or not - or else.
Ad this happens in every facet of the pastorate: from sermon phraseology and theology to visitation policy. There will always be those who wait in the wings to point out the failure of the pastor to comply with the individual ideologies. The pastor has to comply and differing opinions will not be tolerated and certainly by no means discussed.
I find it disheartening. I also am no longer surprised by this.
I do acknowledge in my younger days I may have faced new or different opinions with such a dismissive attitude believing I was right and they were wrong (or were going to hell). But I don't find myself in that place anymore and when I bump into those who are, I have to take a deep breath and take the advice I once heard: leave them to the Holy Spirit.
Which I will.
In the meantime, may I find the Spirit enabling me to keep my heart from anger.
After church that Sunday, this gentleman approached me to explain his take on what I had said and that I was incorrect. After a few minutes of dialogue, I felt I had explained my point and that what he had heard was not quite what I had meant. Believing we were on the same page, we walked away just fine.
When I saw him the next Wednesday at Bible study, I was a little surprised - he doesn't normally...well, ever...attend. Having been in this profession for a while now, I was (sad to say) suspicious. Moving into the fourth week of a discussion on a particular New Testament book, I continued by picking up where we had left in previous meetings.
A few minutes into the discussion which was a little of a recap, this gentleman chimed in and, speaking initially about a particular passage, concluded his remarks by saying, "...and this is why you can't say..." and then proceeded to quote my line from the previous Sunday's sermon which, I might add, was from a completely different book in the New Testament.
My suspicions were realized. He wasn't there to study. Instead, he was there to offer a refutation of the sermon. I will say that unless you had heard our conversation after church that week, you would have missed the jab. But jab it was and jab he did. Even after that moment he stayed after the study to once again spell out his objection to my statement in the sermon.
As a pastor who has also taught in a college setting, I realize that part of my frustration is that I felt obliged to acknowledge his position in the conversation. In some ways I was having to acquiesce to his opinion without receiving the same courtesy. I couldn't truly challenge him for fear of having no chance of ever having a dialogue again. But in that acquiescence, this kind of person simply hears me acknowledge that they might be right and that my point is, therefore, weak.
What I think he wants is for me to do is recant and retract my statement. I won't. And as such, I have the feeling it will come up again no matter what other topic on which I might preach. My fear is that he will also start keeping a mental log of objections that will pile on top of that initial objection until they spill over into an ultimatum of me changing my statement or his leaving the church.
It is here that I find one of my great frustrations with being a pastor. There are those for whom the role of the pastor is not to educate but to parrot. The pastor must say what the congregation (or usually a few individuals) believe - be they a part of the denominational tradition or not - or else.
Ad this happens in every facet of the pastorate: from sermon phraseology and theology to visitation policy. There will always be those who wait in the wings to point out the failure of the pastor to comply with the individual ideologies. The pastor has to comply and differing opinions will not be tolerated and certainly by no means discussed.
I find it disheartening. I also am no longer surprised by this.
I do acknowledge in my younger days I may have faced new or different opinions with such a dismissive attitude believing I was right and they were wrong (or were going to hell). But I don't find myself in that place anymore and when I bump into those who are, I have to take a deep breath and take the advice I once heard: leave them to the Holy Spirit.
Which I will.
In the meantime, may I find the Spirit enabling me to keep my heart from anger.
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