What is Love?
Today is Valentine's Day.
For me, that means that it was my Grandparent's anniversary. Today would have been their 80th anniversary. They made it to their 64th together. God bless them both.
Other than that, Valentine's Day doesn't have a lot of significance to me. That's because it seems to me that it foists the perception of needing to be in some kind of ethereal love for the day to matter or, for that matter, for your life to have meaning.
I know plenty of people who are lonely - some who are even married. As I heard a commentary on Fresh Air a few days ago, "Some people did find that special someone and it didn't change the fact that they feel alone." For those in love, Valentine's day might be a nice opportunity to get away or have a special meal, but so should an anniversary - actually an anniversary should be more important, I think. And for those not in love, they shouldn't be made to feel inferior or as if their life is less because they don't have roses and chocolate from some gushing admirer.
Because relationships are not what Valentine's day is about. Valentine's day has become a commercialization of romance. It was a Christian holiday for a long time, and before that it likely had some pagan origins that the Christians subsumed. It wasn't until the 14th or 15th century that it became associated with romantic love. But now? Capitalism has turned it into a boon for florists, jewelers, and restaurants.
Is that what it means to be in love?
There is the physical, erotic love, certainly, but then there is something deeper than that. Those kinds of relationships take time and investment. They are romantic, but not to be confused with erotic. Erotic is an element of romance, but it shouldn't be the only pillar on which we seek to define love. Nor should we define the love of another by the cost of the gifts purchased for Valentine's Day.
My cousin once told me that my Grandmother (the one whose anniversary today would have been) told her that your marriage should be based on something more than the physical aspects because those tend to change as do our wants and needs. It's true. If you can't talk to the one you love, or just enjoy being with them without the need for a physical relationship, then it isn't going to last.
That's why relationships in high school tend to fall apart pretty quick. When the relationship moves to become more than physical attraction (which sometimes means less physical activity), usually the high schooler thinks the relationship has "cooled." It hasn't so much as it has begun to grow, but we don't always understand that at that age. Some people never understand that and affairs ensue and marriages fall apart.
But that may be more because we don't talk about relationships. Churches shy away from them except to extol fidelity (a good thing, don't get me wrong). They extol fidelity with the exclusion of sexuality, romance, and intimacy (which is often confused for sexuality as in, "Were you intimate with them?"). We don't talk about the changes in our bodies, the changes in our relationships, the changes in life that are a part of life and living. So when those times come around and we feel things are "different" we don't know what to do.
And that's too bad. Especially because as those times come around, February 14th can be a day when watching television makes us feel somehow like we missed the bus on the whole "true love" thing.
But true love takes work. Not chocolate (though chocolate is always pretty good). And it comes from a willingness to honor the one you are with by being honest, and loving them for who they are - because that's probably what attracted you to them in the first place.
My grandparents had that kind of love. My Grandfather was, in his words, "smitten" with my Grandmother. The two of them were married in 1937 and were together for 64 years. My Grandfather loved my Grandmother and she loved him. Public displays of affection were not that common for them, but they were always together. As my Grandfather once said, "I loved to go to work. But I always loved coming home." Why? Because that's where his love was.
Perhaps we can all begin to understand our loves a little better as we grow in our relationships. And perhaps we can even learn to talk to one another instead of walking away when it seems to be "cooling." Then again, we might also succumb to the feeling that love is found only in diamonds and chocolate. If so, we may find that somewhere down the line, it never seems to last.
For me, that means that it was my Grandparent's anniversary. Today would have been their 80th anniversary. They made it to their 64th together. God bless them both.
Other than that, Valentine's Day doesn't have a lot of significance to me. That's because it seems to me that it foists the perception of needing to be in some kind of ethereal love for the day to matter or, for that matter, for your life to have meaning.
I know plenty of people who are lonely - some who are even married. As I heard a commentary on Fresh Air a few days ago, "Some people did find that special someone and it didn't change the fact that they feel alone." For those in love, Valentine's day might be a nice opportunity to get away or have a special meal, but so should an anniversary - actually an anniversary should be more important, I think. And for those not in love, they shouldn't be made to feel inferior or as if their life is less because they don't have roses and chocolate from some gushing admirer.
Because relationships are not what Valentine's day is about. Valentine's day has become a commercialization of romance. It was a Christian holiday for a long time, and before that it likely had some pagan origins that the Christians subsumed. It wasn't until the 14th or 15th century that it became associated with romantic love. But now? Capitalism has turned it into a boon for florists, jewelers, and restaurants.
Is that what it means to be in love?
There is the physical, erotic love, certainly, but then there is something deeper than that. Those kinds of relationships take time and investment. They are romantic, but not to be confused with erotic. Erotic is an element of romance, but it shouldn't be the only pillar on which we seek to define love. Nor should we define the love of another by the cost of the gifts purchased for Valentine's Day.
My cousin once told me that my Grandmother (the one whose anniversary today would have been) told her that your marriage should be based on something more than the physical aspects because those tend to change as do our wants and needs. It's true. If you can't talk to the one you love, or just enjoy being with them without the need for a physical relationship, then it isn't going to last.
That's why relationships in high school tend to fall apart pretty quick. When the relationship moves to become more than physical attraction (which sometimes means less physical activity), usually the high schooler thinks the relationship has "cooled." It hasn't so much as it has begun to grow, but we don't always understand that at that age. Some people never understand that and affairs ensue and marriages fall apart.
But that may be more because we don't talk about relationships. Churches shy away from them except to extol fidelity (a good thing, don't get me wrong). They extol fidelity with the exclusion of sexuality, romance, and intimacy (which is often confused for sexuality as in, "Were you intimate with them?"). We don't talk about the changes in our bodies, the changes in our relationships, the changes in life that are a part of life and living. So when those times come around and we feel things are "different" we don't know what to do.
And that's too bad. Especially because as those times come around, February 14th can be a day when watching television makes us feel somehow like we missed the bus on the whole "true love" thing.
But true love takes work. Not chocolate (though chocolate is always pretty good). And it comes from a willingness to honor the one you are with by being honest, and loving them for who they are - because that's probably what attracted you to them in the first place.
My grandparents had that kind of love. My Grandfather was, in his words, "smitten" with my Grandmother. The two of them were married in 1937 and were together for 64 years. My Grandfather loved my Grandmother and she loved him. Public displays of affection were not that common for them, but they were always together. As my Grandfather once said, "I loved to go to work. But I always loved coming home." Why? Because that's where his love was.
Perhaps we can all begin to understand our loves a little better as we grow in our relationships. And perhaps we can even learn to talk to one another instead of walking away when it seems to be "cooling." Then again, we might also succumb to the feeling that love is found only in diamonds and chocolate. If so, we may find that somewhere down the line, it never seems to last.
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